


why do fools fall in love?

by anyaofthewoods



Category: Harley Quinn (Cartoon 2019)
Genre: F/F, Harley Quinn - Freeform, Pamela Isley - Freeform, Poison Ivy - Freeform, frank the plant - Freeform, harleen quizel, i fucking love frank
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:07:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24332551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anyaofthewoods/pseuds/anyaofthewoods
Summary: Wherein Frank thinks Ivy is cheating on Harley with Kiteman and confronts her, breaking down all of the ways in which the two women are basically a couple. Sure, they kiss each other goodbye and cuddle, but that doesn't mean…oh no. Harley/Ivy
Relationships: Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel
Comments: 15
Kudos: 239





	why do fools fall in love?

Sometimes, Frank mused, Ivy really was a lying motherfucker. Sometimes it was an endearing thing, like when she said she hated NASCAR, only to have the opposite revealed by Wonder Woman’s lasso of truth moments later. Other times, it was pretty entertaining, like when she lied to Harley about the reasons why she couldn’t possibly join her crew. Ivy rarely, if ever, lied to Harley. The only real instance of Ivy blatantly lying Frank could remember was the Queen of Fables incident. Until this moment, that is. Until this moment where it was no longer endearing, no longer funny.

It took Frank a considerable amount of time to warm up to Harley, but he soon came to respect her determination and no bullshit attitude. She wanted to join the Legion of Doom, so she did everything possible to make that a reality. Harley was ride or die for Ivy, determined even when she herself was half dead, bleeding out in some stranger’s car, to go save her best friend’s life from some mask wearing piece of shit. Which is why, at this moment, he couldn’t believe the nerve of this lying motherfucker.

“Okay babe don’t forget to make the rezzie for 8:00 tomorrow. Put it under ‘Poison Ivy.’ It’s weird how whenever it’s under my name, the table is never available. Anywho, don’t forget babe—you’ve forgotten the last few times. Which is totally cool! Love you anyway, boo. See ya, Jack! Kiteman out.” With those final words, Kiteman attempted to place a kiss on Ivy’s lips, one which she deflected by tilting her head to the side. “Bye Chuck, see you then.” When the door clicked behind him, Frank cleared his throat.

Ivy groaned. “Yeah, I know, he got your name wrong, it’s like a thing with him, I swear; I’ll remind him next time, I promise.”

“I’m sorry, that’s what we’re focusing on here? That the flying moron got my name wrong?”

“Listen, Frank, I know he’s a little—”

“Ivy, what the fuck, man? I thought you were better than this. You couldn’t even wait until you were alone? You knew I was in the room, so again, I must repeat, what the _fuck_.”

Ivy looked up from her phone where she had been texting Kiteman that of course she would remember the reservation

_no you absolutely won’t, you never do_

up to Frank, who looked angrier than—well, Frank was always angry, but this was different.

“I don’t know what’s up with you today dude, but I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Frank scoffed. “Ivy, I swear if you don’t tell her, I will tell her myself. Don’t test me.”

“Tell who _what_ , Frank! You’re being weirdly cryptic. Did you get into the hamburger meat again? You know that shit messes with you like hardcore.”

Frank chose to ignore that barb, because maybe he had gotten into it, but that was neither here nor there. “When are you going to tell _Harley_ that you’re _cheating_ on her!”

Ivy’s dark green eyes shot to her hairline, an incredulous look on her face.

“Cheating on Harley? Like on our friendship? I’m pretty sure I can be friends with both Kiteman and Harley, there’s no rule against that.”

Frank closed his eyes and counted to ten.

“Don’t play dumb bitch with me, Ivy. That shit don’t work, I know you too well. Harley loves you; for all your brooding bullshit, she still loves you, and you’re gonna play her like that? That’s low.”

Ivy stared for a moment before breaking out into stuttered gasps and laughs. “Holy shit. Holy shit, you thought--me and Harley? That’s rich. Harley and I are just friends, Frank. I’m with Kiteman.”

Frank remained unmoved by her, in his professional opinion, desperate attempt to vehemently deny what he knew to be the truth.

“You’re really gonna stand there, look me right in the eyes, and lie to my face?”

Ivy’s laughs stopped abruptly, quickly realizing Frank wasn’t going to drop this.

“Frank come on, don’t you think you’d know if Harley and I were, you know, together? Jesus, don’t you think _I’d_ know?” Frank didn’t fail to notice the way her cheeks darkened and her voice cracked at the insinuation, but he chose to keep it to himself. For now.

“You’re really telling me, plant person to plant, that you didn’t know that you and one Harley Quinn were in a romantic type relationship together?”

Ivy was starting to get frustrated. How many ways did she have to say the same thing?

“The answer is no, Frank. Where are you even getting this from?”

Frank smiled for the first time since the conversation started; unfortunately for Ivy, it looked more predatory than anything.

“I’m so happy you asked, _friend_. Please, take a seat. Allow me to enlighten you on just how fuckin’ wrong you are.”

Ivy grit her teeth but did as she was asked, crossing her arms over her chest and one leg over the other. She raised one hand in the air, prompting Frank to start.

Frank cleared his throat and shifted in his pot, a thick pile of papers appearing a second later.

“Christ, Frank, are you serious right—“

“A _hem_. Point one. You don’t like to be touched.”

Ivy blinked. “I… don’t like to be touched, so clearly that must mean—”

“Ah ah ah! I wasn’t done. You don’t like to be touched by anyone other than _Harley_. She comes home after one of her capers or heists? Close hug. You’re vegging on the couch, watching some Tawny? Your head is in her lap, her hands in your hair. You? Content as fuck. I’ve seen you hold hands; I’ve seen you link arms.”

“All of this is shit that friends do, Frank. You aren’t proving anything.”

“You kiss her on the cheek, and you let her kiss you on yours. I saw you just now; you didn’t let the kite fucker kiss you. Practically shrank away like he had eaten garlic and onion flavored shit. Why is that, Ivy?”

“We’re taking it slow!”

Frank nodded as her voice rose an octave higher. Interesting.

“Next. The pet names. So far, I have written here the following: babe, baby, honey. Anymore I should know about?”

Ivy sputtered. “Again, these are things that friends say to each other!”

“Really, Ivy? ‘Cause last time I checked, you and I were friends, and you’ve never once called me ‘baby.’ Why won’t you call me baby, Ivy?”

Ivy sighed and looked away.

“Don’t think I didn’t hear you call kite dick by his actual name when he called you ‘babe.’ But Harley is always babe, baby, honey, or hon if you’re feeling extra cute that day.”

Frank watched on as Ivy’s eyes hardened, no longer the lady protesting too much.

“Onward to Harley, your favorite subject. She cooks entirely separate meals for you, given that you’re a vagi—vegetarian and she isn’t. Every goddamn night, without fail. If she isn’t home on time, you cook for her. And speaking of Harley, you lose your mind when she isn’t home when she says she’s going to be. If one of her heists goes on too long, you’re sending your plants to track her down. She gets through the door, you’re all over her, putting your hands all over her, checking for injuries. Pretty gay if you ask me.”

Ivy’s cheeks darkened and her throat bobbed up and down as she swallowed.

“Harley knows the names of your plants. Ivy. You know damn well how many plants you have; she knows them _all._ Not only does she know the name of every plant you own, she has also, on occasion, surprised you with your own rosebush. An entire _bush_ , Ivy! Most idiots would give a bouquet of roses, not realizing that it’s basically like handing you a bunch of dead babies.”

At this point Ivy’s head was in her hands, staring at the ground or eyes closed, Frank didn’t know, but she refused to look up. When she finally spoke, her voice was soft.

“I never forget reservations when it’s for Harley and me. Never. I make them weeks in advance. I never remember to do that with Chuck. Why don’t I remember, Frank?”

It must have been a rhetorical question because Ivy began to speak before Frank could respond.

“We sleep together, every night. I can’t sleep without her. It’s her smell, the way she feels, it’s s _omething_.” The sound of her own realization colored her words.

Frank forged ahead. “And then there was the entire Joker fiasco. You—”

“I wanted to fucking kill him.” Ivy’s voice was hard, cold steel. “I wanted to kill him for everything he had done to her, and for some reason, she just couldn’t see past his bullshit. I worked so hard to get her to see how amazing she is without him, and she finally did. So many times, after she crawled away from him, beaten and broken, I wanted to put my hands on her to remove any trace of that piece of shit. To show her that love doesn’t have to hurt. Love can be gentle; it can be kind.” Her voice became choked up briefly, but she cleared her throat before it turned into anything else.

“Frank, I…I think you might be right.”

Frank, for his part, remained silent as his friend mulled over her moment of clarity. He wanted to say, ‘I told you so,’ but no. That’s not what she needed right now.

“I think I might have feelings for Harley. I..I think I might love Harley.”

_Holy shit._

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys. Clearly I took liberties with the show, using canon and non canon stuff, but there it is. I'm thinking of doing a second part with Harley, but we'll see. Stay safe and much love!


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